Pillow Princess: Icon or Ick?

an exploration-ship of entitlement to teach us, power pendulums, and passive pussy in the age of emotional unavailability.

for straights, gays, girls and boys.
you either know her, fear her, fuck her, or fight for her.

and so i ask... is the pillow princess just the modern-day echo of the 2000s-unattuned-fuckboy?
or... does she have something to teach us?
or... is she just a symptom of a deflated society, too tired to fuck, eagerly pointing fingers at other genders, our partners, or better yet, the illusive patriarchy?

we begin our exploration with the intersection of “the pillow princess” and this progressively overextended feminist distillation of recently overheard chatter within groups of self-proclaimed pillow princess:
“reception is owed and expectations must be filled just for me to give you the time of day” - oof.
that one knots my tummy and probably kills your boner…amiright? unless you’re subby, in which case, go off and melt for it.

i promise i’m not here to validate some redpill fuckery.
we’re just checking the balance of impact.
if you hate me by the end, i love you anyway.

for our basic bitch “why you should trust me” social edification:
i’m a pansexual sex worker who loves hot people for their ugliness and ugly people for their hotness
i often guide people through their first queer experiences, threesomes, and group play - and it’s the coolest shit i can think up!
this job is a pot of gold for data collection... and i’ve humbly collected a lot.
raw, unfiltered, and unhinged hot takes.

may you read this to challenge your mind, your feelings, and maybe “whet the palate of your why.”

when i’m on dates with women, i fucking love the gay girl meadow mirage.
clits, tits, titillating talks, and lots of delusional confusion…no joke - fingers inside of her with thoughts of “maybe this was just a friend date” is not an uncommon scenario…because emotional unavailability is our cultural kryptonite. or maybe just mine.
queue every romance movie ever.

anyway.
i’m on a date. years ago.
we spend 3 hours mind fucking before we actually fuck.
that’s the beauty of most g/g dates... pacing.

she’s engaging. magnetic. boisterous and brave.
she pulls me in and says she wants me to kiss her (my internal dialogue: why not just kiss me?)
she’s supple and sexy, but she’s not as communicative as i’d like.
i’m coaxing out feelings, working for clarity, working for both of us.
we’re into each other, mutually turned on
and rolling around feels like wringing out a wet washcloth that sat at the base of our lusty love puddle for the last 3 hours.

i’m on top, kissing her neck
her hands start to slow.
compassionately, i think “good, she’s soaking it in.”
but then comes the layback - that expectancy of reception without attunement.
her head hits the pillow and the princess arrives!
back arched like, “you know what i want,”
hips up to my mouth.

and i think, “fuck, she’s hot!”
but underneath, a tickleing thought gnaws.
i feel desire AND i also feel unconsciously molded into servitude
like if i didn’t initiate and prove my desire, she wouldn’t meet me half way.
i feel a twinge of simpiness - without simping at all.

i make her cum.
she half-heartedly touches me back for another five minutes.
there’s a passivity in the giving
without a come-around to generosity.

it’s too cliché to even unravel.
you can sense a pillow princess from a mile away
so admittedly i subliminally expected it.
still, i manage to be floored every time.

i love giving as much as the next horny girl
but i snap at feeling abandoned in my pleasure after a one-sided orgasm
like it was a privilege to make her cum, and then... done.

what i want to ask this archetype over and over is:

what the actual fuck is going on inside of you??
are you terrified to feel expressive desire toward your partner?
are you resentful of how much you’ve given in your life?
are you here or did you dissociate?
are you numb?
are you in a trauma response?
did someone shame you for your longing?
do you crave permission to want more in life?
are you unclear in your desire and it’s leaking into your expressions?

i find my self chewing on this.
it isn’t about “men do x, women do y.”
i’m a woman, and i’ve lived the real life pleasing of the pillow princess…
it’s not about being straight or gay.
it’s not even about dom/sub dynamics - you see, these roles are conscious and pre-negotiated.
this is bigger.
this is interpersonal, cultural, fear
conditioned, cemented.
it’s vast.

a recent convo lead to a pause in my judgements:
maybe the pillow princess has some hidden lesson for all of us peasents -
maybe we can glean a little wisdom.

so i brought her into my scientific den of data collection - where fantasies can teach me more than ideas.
if i eroticize her entitlement...
i imagine a world where she receives without guilt, without a looming “tit for tat”
without people pleasing and equalization on her brain -
a radical act in today’s sexual climate.

is she breaking the mold?

imagine you’re having sex with someone new…
you stop forcing noises that dont ring out impulsively,
you stop positioning your body,
your soft belly is belly up and visible
you just lay back and princess the fuck out
you only give when you are 150% inclined to lift a finger.

now the “pick me” inside of me screams "this is not my personal template...”
but i might be a little inspired…
maybe even a little envious
to not give a. single. fuck.
i imagine shes less in her head than i am.
i imagine that is a royally liberating dose of yum.

maybe when she thinks “if they want something, they’ll ask,”
it invites us into our voice and clarity and this too feels like a positive spin of a lesson.
i’ll bite.

the most conscious version of the pillow princess might say:
“you do the work, i’ll soak it in” as a sirens invocation... but it is the ASK that makes this safe.
“my gift is letting you please me” as a pleasure dom’s wet dream...

so in a climactic non-conclusive kabang, i guess my explorations lead me (yet again)
to the nuanced middle ground - boring, i know.

all archetypes expressed unconsciously have shitty impact on someone
but when the princess is masterful & attuned to her partner
her capacity to receive becomes magnetic. now im not sure she’d be a pillow princess any longer by nature of her attunement, but i’d like to think we have hope for her evolution
she becomes a compass luring us into a practice of separation, individuation and dare i say…
selfishness.
again… oof.
if you only knew how precious selfishness is in this day and age - not for the ones who get it but for the ones who have a hard time giving it to themselves.
medicine.

invitation:

if you’re curious about this archetype,
play with it - ask yourself or your partner where and why the pillow princess shows up.

pillars of where and why:

cultural conditionings:
- femininity = receptive? why? y/no?
- you’ve been desired and projected on your whole life
- maybe projecting desires back towards your partner feels unsafe
- maybe you’re afraid to break the fragile fantasy

performance anxiety:
- the awkwardness of touching
- a fear of doing it wrong
- a fear of being rejected for your desire

trauma and dissociation:
- sometimes giving feels too exposed
- especially when exposure hurt you once upon a time
- receiving feels safer
- your nervous system is protecting you

power play / kink:
- some of us love being worshipped
- some of us love being the center of attention
- taking can feel deeply respectful
- being taken from can feel deeply nourishing